It's Not Good to Be Alone

The past year, I have had to do a lot of introspection. Unless you’ve experienced it or love someone who has, this one could easily slip your mind.

anx·i·e·ty

/aNGˈzī-itē/ Noun

1. A feeling of worry, nervousness or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.

2. Desire to do something, typically accompanied by unease.

Have you every heard or even said the follow phrases: “Smile. Be happy!” “Why do you take everything so personal?” "Stop crying already.” "Shake it off.” "Pull yourself together.” "Think happy thoughts, and you’ll be happy." "You’re being over dramatic right now.” "Can’t you just snap out of it?” "When are you going to be your old self again?” It’s these statements which leaves people (like myself) feeling misunderstood and alone in their struggles.

I'm not sure when it started, but I do know when I couldn't live with it any more - anxiety. It had stripped me of all my joy in life with my family and friends, with food and with peace in myself. In July, I felt like I was falling down a blackhole, sucking out all of my life and energy. I'd look at my husband of 10 years, and it was like I didn't know him. I'd look down at my 4 and 6 year-old kids, and I'd be ashamed of who I was. I'd cry at the drop of a hat. My stress tolerance was low that any bad news would cause anxiety attacks. I felt like I was going crazy. And, I felt all alone and scared.

It wasn't until I couldn't eat a bite of food...for days that I became worried that there WAS something wrong with me. As you know, I love food. I love it sooo much that I write about it, but to not have that hunger or desire to eat was definitely a problem. (Note: I was never worried about getting fat. On the contrary, I was getting concerned that i was getting too skinny, which I was...unhealthy.) Finally, I cry out to God to help me!

He was sooo faithful to send me His saints, Jessica & Cady, to encourage me to seek help! I'm a prideful person, I'm not afraid to admit. The idea of taking medicine for anything made me think I was weak, but the truth is I WAS! Fortunately under the care of a great psychiatrist (who recommended Lexapro) followed by counseling with a wonderful psychologist, I have confronted my anxiety and the many layers that it affected my life and my thinking. I'm thankful that my husband and I, through the help of God and my treatments, are coming back together. I have made a conscious decision to have positive people in my life. I know that I need God's help. I need friends. I can't do this by myself. I am reminded of wisdom in Ecclesiastes 4 that states:

9 Two are better than one,
   Because they have a good reward for their labor.
10 For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.
   But woe to him who is alone when he falls,
   For he has no one to help him up.
11 Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm;
   But how can one be warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.
   And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Lastly, I speak to those who may be experiencing this. You are not alone. You have people who love you and want the best for you. All you need to is ask for help. God is waiting, and He will help through His word and others. Just remember that you are "fearfully and wonderfully made!"